...and we're off!

The Pledge Naysayers Association of America (PNS) is a small special interest/activist group from the unincorporated Los Angeles County area -- more specifically, west of the I-5 freeway. The group's aims are to inform the young public of the proverbial wool that's been wrongfully thrust over their eyes. In an attempt to reveal a sense of truth to their loyal demographic, the PNS vows to exploit waste-of-space local newspaper articles in the only way they know how -- through the majesty of parody. And now, please stand by for a word from our founders, the sisters Norris:


Alex(andra) was born in 1989 to proud parents X and Y (names withheld for security purposes). Alex lived a normal young life, up until the unthinkable happened -- she discovered her dog-whispering powers. After this monumental event, life carried on much as it had previously. It continues to this day. Alex's favorite pastimes include dog-whispering (as aforementioned), ornate paper airplane construction, disassembling appliances for the sake of reassembling them, producing high-pitched repetitive noises, Quidditch and tap-dancing.

Katie lead a virtually unexceptional existence from the moment she exited the womb until she was approximately twelve years of age, save for a few inexplicable occurences. The first 'episode' happened when she was eight; she was at a zoo with her family, observing the mating rituals of cloistered mongeese, as is customary of many of her scholastic equals. She leaned in to catch a better glimpse of a female mongoose in heat, and within a nanosecond, her knees shot backwards in the manner of a velociraptor. It was then that she developed a strong gut-feeling that she was not like other children her age -- perhaps not even akin to other humans. Four years later, it was revealed to her by a Dr. A. Goiter that she was, in fact, a test tube baby. Moments later, her teeth exploded.


HEED MY ADVICE, by Katie Norris

If your house is surrounded by a band of zombies, a herd of werewolves or a thousand Agent Smiths, and you have no means of escape, shame on you. You should have remembered the worst possible scenario salmon filets.

OBSERVATIONS AND NOTIONS, by Alex Norris

If you are middle-aged, male and balding, PSYs, or permanent skin yarmulkes, can be a small problem, which is an understatement. Judging from my prolific observations, it is usually a bad idea to grow a ponytail.

WAYS NOT TO EXIT A ROOM, by Alex Norris

If you are exiting a room and you notice yourself walking toward yourself, BEWARE! That is not a door. That is a mirror.

JOKES I SHOULD HAVE DENOUNCED IN THE 3RD GRADE, by Katie Norris

Question: Where does the King keep his armies?
(answer below)

















Answer: In his sleevies!


COMING SOON TO OWN ON VIDEO AND DVD... NOT REALLY, THOUGH

Article No. 1, "Lucy Takes Another Nap"